Monday, 4 March 2013

Its Been Almost 3 Years..

Today is the 4th of March, as I lay in bed thinking about the way things are, and wondering HOW they would be different in nothing bad happened.

All the memories of what I went through with the hospital visits, blood tests, scans, examinations and the Methotrexate Injection seem and feel like a dream.. I can't believe it, sometimes it feels like only yesterday, other days it feels like it was years ago and have skipped a couple of years in between.. These thoughts and feelings are a little strange.

I was going to sit and read this blog that I have been keeping over the last 3 years, but I read the 2 posts that I left in February 2010, and then thought, yeah, I can't do this, so I just left it.. Weird, because I do the same with my notebooks, I have been writing in them for the same amount of time (3 yrs I think) but these are about my depression BPD etc.

I want to do something special, and I want to buy things for myself that have my Angel's name on, and I think I am actually doing to do it this time because I have never done anything like this before. I own 3 things, and I didn't really ask for them.

The bits I was sent were:
a tealight holder with Billie's name and date around the rim. I won this on a giveaway on a Facebook page called Tilly Beans Keep Sakes For Your Little Angels!
A second tealight holder with Billie's name on. This one was sent from a girl who owns Special Angels on Facebook.
A little knitted Angel with a tiny beaded necklace with footprints on from a woman on Facebook, unfortunately I don't remember which page, but when I find the card I will share.

I forgot about the Angel, that was the first thing that I ever received from someone since I lost my Angel. But, I do have a little fluffy sheep that smells like lavender that was given to me as a "get well soon" gift from my sisters boyfriends, mum. Its microwaveable like a hot water bottle. It was given to me with a note saying that it would keep me warm when my partner couldn't.

Those things mean a lot to me too.

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