Wednesday, 27 March 2013

My Weird Dream I Had...

I haven't posted about my dreams before, so thought I might give it a try!!

The other night, I had a dream that I finally got pregnant, but it was a little weird because in my dream, I ended up giving birth but had complications.. And because it scared me a little and was very vivid, I kinda woke up and don't remember much about that dream!!

But.. I had a dream this morning which scared me awake. It wasn't very long because it was that weird...

I had a dream, that it was a few years after I lost my Angel, Billie (I had lost Billie, my Ectopic 15th March 2010), and I well, I had this appointment to see someone. I was sitting in the waiting room with my mum, and was lead into this side room with a table in the middle, and was lead in by a man, I think he may had been the doctor, I am not sure!?
Anyway, in this room I was suddenly presented with this sheet of paper that had ALL my scans on, including all the HCG level's information and other bits of information too.. For some reason, I had a picture of my Angel on there - showing me what he/she looked like.. But, what I remember most of all is that when they presented me with the sheet of paper with all the information on it, he said to me
"I want you to meet your daughter!!!"

Now, I don't know what that means if there is any significance behind it or what, but it was very strange.
I have so many questions running around in my mind..

"Do I want to find out what happened?"
"Why did it happen to me?"
"Is Billie a girl?"
"Will I ever find out what results were produced?"

Since it has been a little over 3 years now, its making me wonder if I am going to be ready to question it and possibly demand to see my notes and find out if there is any information as to what happened and if they was able to determine if Billie is a girl or a boy.. But I am not sure if I am strong enough to go through that, even still now, even though it has been 3 years since.. I am guessing it would put my mind at ease, but when I had the Ectopic and was in hospital and signing various things, one of them was to do tests on the baby.. So surely, I should had known what they did to it, and what they did after... Actually, what they did after all the tests has suddenly dawned on me that I don't know if I want to know what they did with my baby afterwards... The thought of it is actually pretty worrying and upsetting...

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