Thursday, 19 July 2012

It's Been 2 Weeks Since My Procedure..

It has now been 2 weeks since I had my procedure at the hospital for my abnormal smear, and the last couple of days I have been fretting and worrying about the outcome.
When I left the hospital I was told I could receive the results within 3-4 weeks, and next week will be the 3rd week since I left, and I am hoping that I will get them next week or a few days after instead of having to wait longer.. I would ideally like to know the results now..

As stupid as this sounds, I have been thinking long and hard about it all, and I have decided that I am going to prepare myself for the worst, I cannot really get my hopes up and find there is a chance of bad news.. This way I am able to keep my head up, and be able to deal with the result, whatever it is..

I have been looking after myself as much as I can, but I will be glad when its all over properly and I am able to at least go back to normal (whatever that is)
Mainly though, I just wish I knew something instead of nothing.. Thats the worst part of it all.

Still, least I've done 2 weeks - 2 weeks to go, right!?

I Am Going To Be An Aunty..

I wasn't sure if I was going to post this on here, but I wanted to let you all know that I am going to be an Aunty!

I've known for the last 4-6 weeks and it has been really hard to not talk about it or even mention it because my sister didn't really want anyone to know - yet!
But she let me know this morning that she is 12 weeks, baby is perfect and healthy and she is due 27th January 2013.

I am so proud of my sister and her partner.. and cannot wait till I see the scans of my Niece/Nephew!!

Sunday, 8 July 2012

What a week..

I had an hospital appointment on the Tuesday (3rd July) because I had an abnormal smear result come back end of May..
Being in the Gyny block which is now where the Mother & Baby Block is, felt so uncomfortable.. Especially since they've now moved the EPU (Early Pregnancy Unit) which is where I spent a lot of my time when I had my Ectopic.
Seeing all the ladies with beautiful bumps, big and small made me feel empty and sad.. I couldn't help but think:
When is it MY turn..??
I wonder if I looked liked that..??
If Billie was in the right place, would I have a nice bump..??
It kind of bought so many memories of sitting patiently waiting for my scan, and then waiting to see a doctor about the scans, and then seeing all these happy people come out from the scanning room with their images of their babies... It was just very overwhelming.

Even through the Colposcopy I had to check my cervix was heart breaking.. Very scary I had to go in by myself.. Came out of it sore and miserable.. And also came out with an appointment to go back to have a pre-op and to be put under a general anaesthetic because I couldn't have the treatment done that day.
I went away feeling weird, worried and confused.. Had some lunch with my brother but I wasn't in the right frame of mind for anything so I was pretty quiet..

Had a phone call Wednesday to be told that they want me to go in Thursday.. So I agreed.. Without even thinking about it.
I still feel a little guilty as I promised my friend I would babysit my Godson whilst she took her daughter to meet her new class when she goes to school in September.. And I am little upset because I haven't even heard from her.. Nor have I seen her in almost 2 months now.

I had the general anaesthetic anyway, took them about 4-5 hours before I went down, I got there at 7:30am and I went down around 11:30am to 12pm.. It was frustrating waiting.. But I did it..
The only thing that hurt me, was that day one of the Anaesthetic doctors was going through my notes in front of me, and at the back of my notes were these scans from my ectopic.. And my heart broke.. It shocked me a little and I upset my mum because I got upset as I saw my scans! That was a weird feeling, it was that bad that I ended up drifting off into my own little world slightly before coming back to 'reality'.
Not to mention, seeing the images of my Cervix that was taken 2 days before during the Colposcopy..

Before I went down I was in a little state of panic for a little while.. The nurse was really nice and the Aneathetist was HOT!!! I was so embarrassed that I started crying before they put me to sleep.. I remember the feeling of the tears falling down my face, and the gentle sound of the Aneathetist saying to me "Good Night, Sweet Dreamings".
During the procedure, I lost 500ml of blood (some how) and woke up to a 'block' and a catheter shoved inside me.. Which was very worrying.. I remember waking up and saying I need a wee.. And being told to not worry because I had a catheter - CONFUSED!!!
But thinking about it now, I think they did that because they didn't want me to get my 'block' wet, as I think the block they put in place was to help bring my vagina back down to normal size slowly and help ease the pain a little??
But when it came to having that block removed was very worrying.. It felt like something was being sucked out of me =O
I am ok now, it hurts in places and at stages.. But I have pain killers to take when I feel I need them, and I have taken 2 paracetamol today and thats it, considering I didn't take anything yesterday that is..

All thats left for me to do now is to wait and see what my results bring in about 3-4 weeks time.