Saturday, 31 January 2015

That Heart Breaking Moment When...

The heart breaking moment when your own mum forgets about what I went through!!

Yes.. That's right FORGETS!!
I was flicking through the avon catalogue and found a couple of nice bits that I liked, but decided to get them in the March Birthstone: Aquamarine.

When I get it out and I look at it and she asks what I bought, and when I told her I got March, she kept asking me why.. Asked if it was because I liked the colour or wanted it because it will match my clothes

I didn't know what to say, because that moment I realised that everyone had forgotten.. I didn't expect anyone to remember, but after that day about a week or so back, I have sat down to try and work out how people can forget something like that, and wonder how I can't forget and move on like everyone else has.

It's only a few months left now till it's been 5 years! I don't remember everything now, I have put it to the back of my mind, but it is something that is always on my mind if that makes sense :/
When I hold a baby, spend time with my godson and Nephews and even met a couple of my friends kids, it hurts and I always wish that it was ME and that it was MY turn :(

Feel a little let down by it all if I am honest

Tuesday, 6 January 2015

Miscarriage Information

In one of the groups I am apart of to do with Ectopic Pregnancy, someone shared a link to another blog, one talking about miscarriages.. I have just read it and I have to say that although it is a post about having a miscarriage, the feelings are still the same even though I've had an Ectopic Pregnancy.

This is quite interesting, and suggest that you should give it a read too:

(link opens in new window)

I am pretty sure that someone, like myself can relate to the information shared above.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Thinking Ahead Can Be Tough..

After talking to a woman a see from MIND this morning I have been thinking more and more and more about what I told her to do with the future.

I guess I didn't realize how scared I am of the outcome.. I would give everything to have my own family.. And after thinking about the way that things went, made me realise that I could've done everything so different :(

If I had opted for surgery the same day I was told that I could either have surgery or an injection... Thinking about it now, I really wish I had done more for myself instead of just taking the injection to see if that worked..

Really, I should've made it so that I had my last blood test instead of giving up because I couldn't get to the hospital.

If anything.. As time goes on I feel more guilty for the way I dealt with everything :'( I guess it didn't help that I didn't quite know what to expect and didn't have any kind of understanding of the situation until I googled information for Ectopic Pregnancy and realised that the pain I was in was because of the tube rupturing.

Really wish I could move on and feel a little better about the situation instead of feeling more guilty every day.. I don't want to forget what happened, just wish I could learn to deal with it properly or at least find someway of coping with it.

It's 2015 so I plan to make some changes to myself and hope to be able make myself feel and look better and attempt to solve the ache in my heart and to stop worrying about what hasn't happened yet.