I don't know what possessed me to go through one of my blogs tonight, but I went back to 2010, and looked at February and March, to see if anything had been written on my other blog to see if I had written something that I hadn't wrote on here, and I did.
I found quite a few posts, posts that I am pretty sure are not on here, and I read them all carefully making sure I didn't miss any information, and have now upset myself.
Although it has been over 4 years now since it happened, it is something that I clearly haven't gotten over or thought about properly.
Looks like I am going to have to push for counselling to help me deal with and somewhat get over this experience, especially since it is something that is hiding at the back of my mind and comes out every now and then and reminds me of the fears and the hurt of what I went through.
I don't know if I have mentioned it on this blog (I don't read my blogs back) about the possibility of 'trying' for a new baby?? This is something that scares the living daylights out of me.
There is so much fear, that I don't even know what to do or say or talk about because no one understands and no one will listen.
I think now, it is time that I deal with this, and perhaps try and move myself forwards a little, because clearly the fear is stopping me from so much, and the fear has taken over my life.
There is nothing more that I want to be in this life, other than a mum, and I really want to have my own babies before it's too late, I am almost 30, and the last time it happened, I was 22.. (I am 27 now)