I have been struggling a little recently, but that is because I was watching various video's on Facebook on hair and nail art and I some how came across some videos of Gender Reveal parties that they have had with their families, or sharing the gender with their children.
At first I thought it was cute, seeing them learn they have a new brother/sister. But then it got me thinking about what things would have been like for me..
Mainly thinking that nothing has happened since I had my first Ectopic Pregnancy in 2010 and never had anything since. My main issue is that I am scared, scared of it happening again and scared of loosing my last remaining tube and that is something that I cannot shake! I really wish I could because the one thing I would love to be more than anything in my life is a mother.
I love having my 3 Nephews and my Godson, and my best friends kids, but that isn't quite enough! But I need that kick I need to stop being scared, stop worrying and stop beating myself up about it all.. Sometimes it's just hard.
Watching these videos really got me thinking and really got to me, I cried along with the kids that were crying because they either got a Sister and wanted a Brother and vice versa. They all got me wondering if I would ever get my miracle and if I did get a miracle would I be blessed with another etc. But knowing how old I am now it's whether I am going to be old enough to have the kids I would love.
I am not strong enough to watch these kinds of video's so I am going to avoid them for now..
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