Monday, 5 January 2015

Thinking Ahead Can Be Tough..

After talking to a woman a see from MIND this morning I have been thinking more and more and more about what I told her to do with the future.

I guess I didn't realize how scared I am of the outcome.. I would give everything to have my own family.. And after thinking about the way that things went, made me realise that I could've done everything so different :(

If I had opted for surgery the same day I was told that I could either have surgery or an injection... Thinking about it now, I really wish I had done more for myself instead of just taking the injection to see if that worked..

Really, I should've made it so that I had my last blood test instead of giving up because I couldn't get to the hospital.

If anything.. As time goes on I feel more guilty for the way I dealt with everything :'( I guess it didn't help that I didn't quite know what to expect and didn't have any kind of understanding of the situation until I googled information for Ectopic Pregnancy and realised that the pain I was in was because of the tube rupturing.

Really wish I could move on and feel a little better about the situation instead of feeling more guilty every day.. I don't want to forget what happened, just wish I could learn to deal with it properly or at least find someway of coping with it.

It's 2015 so I plan to make some changes to myself and hope to be able make myself feel and look better and attempt to solve the ache in my heart and to stop worrying about what hasn't happened yet.

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