Monday, 14 March 2011


This time last year it was Mothers Day in the UK.

I'd spent the day with my other half and his kids as his ex was ill and unable to look after them, which wasnt too bad, we had spent the afternoon in town and did a bit of shopping before coming back to the house.
The youngest had gone to stay with her grandparents as my other half at the time was looking after the eldest of the two.
We were happily playing in the lounge with his Power Ranger toys before i put him to bed to sleep.. i then went and sat alone in the lounge and watched telly.
Within an hour of being in there, i moved and felt like i had pulled a muscle in my side, so i went to tell him what happened... this was around 10/11pm at night.
It wasnt until the next day that i had realised the pain i felt that night was only the start of my ectopic.

I feel absolutely sick today, the thought of last year makes me feel weird as if i am about to fall into a hole, my heart skips a beat, its a very odd feeling..
I am not sure on how to take any of this, today or how to take it tomorrow! i just feel so empty

I guess i just cant believe that its been a year since all this happened and just cant get over how much it has changed my life.

Really, i wish things were different so that i wouldnt have to feel this way, but that now cannot be changed no matter how much i wish..

Apart of me wishes i knew if my baby was going to be a boy or a girl.. or at least if there was any way i would had known!
Might put my mind at ease..

I really do wish i could get a tattoo to represent,

My Angel, My Billie..!!

Whom was only apart of me for a short a while, but will spend a lifetime in my heart

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