Saturday, 23 February 2013

Sitting Here.. Thinking..

So, tonight I have been sat here talking to a bunch of ladies on facebook about losses and such, and it made me think of my Angel, Billie.. And realizing that in just a few days time, 3 years ago, that I would had been called in for an emergency scan, blood test etc. to then determine that the baby I was carrying was defiantly growing in my tube.
Its kind of hard to think about sometimes, and sometimes I tend to try and do it in the privacy of my own mind, mainly because there are still many people that do not even know that Billie was my tubal pregnancy..! Not to mention that I know a lot of people have tried telling me in the past that I shouldn't grieve for the baby growing in my tube, but perhaps I should grieve the loss of my left tube instead - although not sure how that would make the situation any better, or easier, perhaps!?
I have to admit, it does make me sad now, knowing that time is flying by so fast, and I still am unable to catch up with it and allow anything to sink in properly.

The one thing that does sit on my mind a lot is how although I am 3 years down the line, that I still think and feel that there is something missing, something not quite right, just doesn't make sense!?

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