Monday, 22 September 2014

October is just around the corner..

We're almost at the end of September which means that October isn't far behind it.

October 6th would've been my due date, which means that I should have a happy 4 year old bouncing around wishing didn't have to grow up.

It is a shame when reality hits and you remember that you don't have every milestone to hit and get through.. Never thought that seeing my nephew grow would hurt so much.
I love him to the end of the universe but he does remind me of things that I have and am missing out on from having lost my child in such a graphic way.
Obviously, there was no happy ending to come from having my ectopic pregnancy. I still don't know why this happened, and why it was ME this happened too :( makes me sad and sick that there are people out there having children to trap men, abusing kids or even worse.

I am always wishing and hoping that one day, just one day I can have my own miracle and not feel like I am missing out or left out from being a mum.
Scares me even more when that sudden realization is, is that I am almost 30

Heart aches and breaks a little more each day, but I paint a smile on my face because it is easier pretending to be OK than it is to talk about it.

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