Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Lost The Christmas Spirit...

It's Christmas Eve today, and all over my facebook are people sharing their stories of putting out things for Santa and his reindeer.. Some people have given the reindeer carrots or special food, and they've given Santa milk and cookies or even a mince pie.

But it is hard for me to read, because this is something I am supposed to be doing, keeping the magic of Christmas alive for the sake of my child, but due to the circumstances this is something that I am missing out on. It does hurt me, it hurts me very much but I don't want to admit that I am struggling to anyone because no one understands..

I wasn't going to share this, I really tried to be strong but it is so hard.
Even though I have an almost 2 year old nephew it still makes it hard for me, but I love him more than life itself, and if I cannot spoil my own children then the next best thing is him.

If I could wish for anything in the world, I would wish that I could go back and alter my body some how to make my baby grow in my uterus instead of my left tube, or if it cannot bring back the one I love, at least bless me with a child to help ease my pain, not to replace the one I lost, but to help heal my ache that it is in my heart and hear someone call me mummy...

Getting a little emotional now, perhaps this is what I needed to do, I do need someone to talk to, someone who can help me, but it is a little hard when I do not open up or let people in..
It's when the years start to fly by so quick that you realise just how much you are missing out on, and all the things that you teach you're children etc. that it doesn't get any easier as the years go on! I would love to say yeah in 3 or 4 years down the line that things do get easier, but they really don't!!

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