7th September

So, today is the 7th September, and in a month time it will be the 7th October.. 7th October should've been my due date, which means that I should have an almost 3 year old bouncing around keeping my on my toes instead of having this hole that cannot be filled..
Its weird how it feels, and it all has effected me in so many different ways, sometimes I am ok others I am not, but for the last few months I thought I had been "OK" perhaps its my friends announcing pregnancies and announcing birth's that it is making me feel a little odd and strange, perhaps?

I am happy for everyone, I really am, I guess I just wish... "I wish that was me" or "I wish it was my turn" for now.. I am stuck with this coil things in hopes it stops my bleeding - been in 5months and still having a little trouble with it :/

Buying crafty stuff and jewellery bits to make isn't helping anymore, I thought that having all these cool things made and making bits for people would've worked or sold or helped someone, instead I feel as if I am banging my head against a brick wall.. Its awful.. I just wish I could come out of the shadows that I've managed to put myself in and feel other things instead of feeling all the feelings that I am feeling now!
I have a nephew and a Godson to think of and look out for as they grow up but even that doesn't help at the moment.. Probably doesn't help that I see them once a week due to current circumstances and things have changed, and they will continue changing I guess, just wish the world would stop.. even if it was just for 5 mins so I could catch up or keep up or something.. I dunno.. all I know is that my head is all over the place and I want to be happy, I really really do, but finding my happiness is proving difficult!

Must try not to give up and let go..