As you can see, I've not written to any of my blogs in a while, this is mainly because like many things, I often loose interest in things, and one of them had been writing to my blogs..
I often do it a lot with any of my writing I try to keep in my notebooks, but again that was something I lost interest in..
I am going to try and write a little more to this blog and my other's too because I have been finding things difficult again at the moment.. Keep wondering what things would've been like, and even watching films with people getting pregnant, having babies upsets me because I am never going to get to feel the same way they did..
The film 9 Months upset me a little.. I know it's only a film, but seeing how happy they are and all the excitement of seeing your baby at the end of it.. I never got that!
All I got was false hopes, and a broken heart.
It's been over 2 years now, and I still feel empty and broken inside, I cannot talk about this with anyone because not many people understand, nor do many people ACTUALLY know what I went through and am going through..
This is mainly because a lot of other people disagree with what I went through, by saying I didn't loose a baby, there was nothing in my tubes etc.
But if that was the case then
WHY did I have a positive pregnancy test
WHY did my tube rupture if nothing was growing inside it
WHY did I endure all this heartache and pain..
But then I guess the people whom haven't lost a baby do not understand or know what it feels like and what goes through your mind when you first see that faint positive result in your home pregnancy test, take another a few days later, and another faint positive, and then another.. With high hopes you go to the doctor with your findings..
Even though it's early stages, you have high hopes for the future and although there is the danger of miscarrying or having an Ectopic, you still start to think about how things are going to change over the 9 months.. Everyone does it!!
I dunno.. Sometimes I wonder if people are right in what they say about me and to me about what I went through....
No they aren't. I've never had an ectopic but I've had two miscarriages and suffered severe depression and psycosis and the last thing you need is people who don't understand. I would love to talk with you anytime and maybe we could help each other cope.
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