Am I Mental For Wanting To Vent My Anger And Feelings And Thoughts On To Paper, Well Notebooks???
As you may know, I have Borderline Personality Disorder or at least some kind of Personality Disorder, Depression, Anxiety problems and slight Agoraphobia..
And I myself struggle talking and expressing my feelings "normally" but i feel that me writing helps myself without others knowing exactly what has been written..
I am in a bad place right now, I am going through a masses amount of problems and stress, and i cant cope with everything right now, and i felt at the time it was easier for me to write out on paper exactly how i am feeling.
But now, i am being told im mental and not normal for wanting to keep notebooks of stuff i write, i never re read anything i just write it and close the book and go back and write some more then close it etc. i have never re readen anything i wrote.
Apart from once, when i went through some old notepad files on the pc and i read some poems i had written years ago and it broke my heart, i guess i never really knew or understood exactly how i was feeling myself, and seeing that the feels have hardly changed was just awful.
I should really sort out my problems, but i have no patience for meds to work again, and really considering putting myself into a mental hospital or something just to keep me safe,
But if i did this, who is to say i can take the things that really mean to me like my cat for starters i couldnt leave him he needs me around, and loves my company!
no one texts me much anymore so hardly anyone is going to miss my texts/calls... i just really dont know what else i can do now, and after all the words that have been said, i just dont think its fair..
I was reminded of how this girl, has a life, has her baby etc. etc. etc. it just killed me.
I know it is nothing to do with you whom read this but i needed to get that off my chest! so i am sorry, but i am allowed to have feelings, arent i??
I don't think it's weird at all to want to express your feelings. I find it easier to express myself on paper as well. If it helps you to cope, then I say keep writing in your notebooks. Look at the millions of blogs on the internet--you're obviously not the only person who feels this way!
ReplyDeleteI do feel for you and worry for you though--make sure to get help & talk to real people if you need to as well.
Hi Damara,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, its nice to know that someoene else does the same as I. but i felt the need to ask due to others not understanding..
I dont talk to real people, due to the fact that no one really does want to know, and nor are people happy with my "attitude"
I do need to get to the doctors but it is hard when i do have some good days, but am also ashamed of myself to keep needing to go back every now and then.. x
Its important to vent your feelings. There is nothing wrong with it at all. You should check out www.dbtselfhelp.com a great site for BPD. Good luck. I had an ectopic 10 years ago, it was devastating but I was fortunate to have 2 more kids since. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment, Robin, I am glad to see that you were fortunate to have 2 kids afterwards =)
DeleteI still don't fully understand my BPD even a year on.. But I do write to a mental health forum on the internet when I need advice or even just to talk to someone..
I hope you are well x
Sorry for the late reply, I've not been on properly in a while, as you can see
Sam x